I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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