never play flip cup with pint glasses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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