I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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