I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize