They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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