I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize