found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need moral support for this bender
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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