Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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