420 ftw
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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