Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize