I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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