im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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