U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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