I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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