should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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