Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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