I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize