screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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