Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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