My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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