he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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