You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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