oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love having hate sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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