it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Text me some of your sweat
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