C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize