Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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