Someone shit on the floor
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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