I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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