you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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