After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize