at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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