You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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