Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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