Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize