So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize