I just pynch a tree in the face
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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