All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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