Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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