dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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