After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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