quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize