P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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