..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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