Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize