Your dad touched me again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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