Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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