dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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