Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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