i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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