After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize